Sharks are scary when you're nine.

While in Florida we visited Universal Studios. It was a fine adventure filled with Chirros, pizza, cartoon characters and very wet water rides. One of the attractions there was a thrill ride themed around the Jaws movies. As adults, we expected a nice tour around in a boat filled with some movie sets. The boy expected to see a real shark and possibly some fish (he is not familiar with the Jaws movies and prefers not to watch anything which may even LOOK like it's a horror film).

The boy, outside of the ride posing for a fun pic.

The boy procrastinating by VOLUNTEERING to be in fun pics. This is unusual behaviour, as he usually runs and hides when I get the camara out. This is probably a defense mechanism that has grown over time as a result of having to pose endlessly for family portraits taken by his beloved grandfather.

Some lovely scenery along the boat ride.

Some wreckage from the tour boat in front of us which has radioed MAYDAY for help from some unforseen accident.



The shark which ate the tourists in front of us. The Boy is now very nervous and is having trouble distiguishing the story from reality. He keeps looking at my smiling face as if puzzled about why we are still in the boat and why we haven't ordered the tour guide to get us out immediately.

The shark burst out of the water directly beside The Boy. He screamed so loud, people on the shore probably thought we were stabbing him to death. He is now SOOO terrified he is unwilling to listen to the soothing noises I am making as he tries to climb over everyone in the boat to GET OUT! There is only water on the other side of the boat. As a concerned parent, I cannot simply let him get out (the lap bar security system is apparently not made for rediculously skinny 9-year-olds). I hug him very tightly and explain that it is not real and we're not going to get eaten by sharks.

The water is now swishing around from the thrashing of the shark. Explosions are going off on both sides and The Boy is screaming as if he's developed a new mantra. Ahhhh. Ahhhh. Ahhhh. Ahhhh. I am now feeling horribly guilty for bringing him on the ride and am considering going to the police to turn myself in for bad parenting.

We then enter this dark area when we can feel the boat being lifted up. Sparks are going off on both sides, and the shark is back. The dark makes The Boy even more upset. Soon the shark is dead and we are out. The sun is shining and the ride comes to a close. The boy calms and then says....

" Don't even ASK me if we can go on that again."

Birds are scary.

In the lovely temperate zones of Florida there is an abundance of waterfowl attracted there by rich seas, and MacDonald's-eating tourists. I love wildlife, and I always thought I loved birds. Recently, I've discovered that my love of avian life forms is restricted to those that are small, cute and vocally brilliant. Upon landing at home base in Indian Shores, I discovered that I have a fear of birds. I was already aware of my fear of very large bird-like creatures (ostriches.... they have those creepy beady eyes that look at you like you're a giant bug they are about to snap up). Now I know that this fear is not limited by size... although size does tend to intensify the feeling that my eyes are about to be pecked out and eaten for breakfast.
Whilst in Florida we went to a lovely bird sanctuary. These birds were all trapped by man-made idiocy and needed help to free themselves. Many required medical treatment and some can no longer fly or take care of themselves. Awwww. They are scary, but even scary birds need love. I think the white ones with the razor sharp eye-poking beaks are called spoonbills... but I'm not sure.

This crane was actually coming to get me. I took the picture, then screamed and ran away.

Hubby is not afraid of the birds, but step-son is TERRIFIED - whilst trying to look manly and unafraid. He chose to throw the bread far, far away from the darting, vicious birdies.

No... this is not red-eye caused from the camera... this is natural red eye. Why does this bird have red eyes? I'm going with creepy defense mechanism to terrify predators from eating it.

The sheer quantity of birds here is ridiculous. There was nowhere to run and hide. The entire sanctuary was heading our way to take part in the feeding frenzy caused by the tossing of bread crumbs. Shorty after this I cowered in the car.

This is really a vulture. He is waiting for the other birds to peck out my eyes so he can have the rest.

This bird I actually thought was very pretty. Until I got up close and saw the red beady eyes. Pretty turned to creepy. The longer it stared at me, the more uneasy I became until the point where I decided that only crazy people visit bird sanctuaries and I - being NOT crazy - should vacate the premises immediately.

A grey pelican. The most numerous of the Floridian birds we saw.

These pelicans kept trying to steal step-sons bait whilst he was fishing. Then when he caught a little fish, tried to steal it while he was reeling it in. Have you ever seen a pelican with it's beak wide open? It could swallow a little boy whole. Powerful beaks made me keep a wary distance. They are not shy either - and they are not afraid of curious tourists.

While they made interesting photo subjects, I was very happy to get back to the resort and away from all the non-blinking eyes. whoaaaa. I still get shivers. If you notice, most of the shots are blurry, and to the untrained eye, this may seem as though I am a horrid photographer, but to us professionals it is easy to see that they are action shots. The blurriness is for effect. It allows you to really FEEL how fast I was running and screaming.

Mahuffer - Wurst Place on the Beech!

Adventures in Florida. Sigh. In March, hubby and I went to visit his parents in Indian Shores, FL. Because most of the community is filled up with snowbirds (those that spend the summer in Canada, and the winter in Florida), hubby and I were looking for something to do in the evening. This particular evening, we struck out on our own to find some entertainment. This bar was just down the street from our resort.

We had heard tales of this place from some of hubby's other relatives who had ventured inside earlier in the week. I must say, from the "disgusted" description his aunt gave, I wasn't really looking forward to it. Hubby, however, was very excited so we ventured inside.

Hubby took this photo of me by surprise. I believe I was trying to wink and drink at the same time. He has such a good eye for catching me at exactly the worst point to take a photo. Anyways. Back to the bar. As you can see, there are bra's, panties, and other undergarments from various generations of tourists, most of them Canadian. If you added up all the money that had been stapled to the wall and signed by visitors, the owners of the bar could probably retire.

Hubby thought that this was much more interesting than Disney's magic kingdom. While I am prancing around trying not clothesline myself on hanging bra-straps, hubby is pointing excitedly to various articles of clothing and announcing things like "OMG - did you see the size of that thong?" Whist I am focusing on looking for somewhere to stand where I won't contract a major disease, and for the love of God - NOT touch anything, hubby is getting two more beers from the bartender so we can stay LONGER. I must say, after the second beer, I was feeling much more at ease, the place didn't really seem so bad, plus it was raining outside. Who wants to walk in the rain when you can study archaeological items such as garter belts from 1955?

There were 2 dogs like this one lying on various bits of furniture and mingling with the customers. In Canada this would be illegal (something about health code violations or disease control), but in the good ole US of A, all is well. This dog was cute and rather friendly, but like the rest of the bar, needed some hygienic attention.

All in all, it was an experience I'm glad I had... and no - I did not staple my bra to the wall. I thought briefly about leaving a sock, but didn't have any on.