Garage Wars

This is my house.  It's very cute, in a nice neighbourhood, and every once in a while I have to pinch my arm to remind myself that I'm not dreaming and I actually live there.

Yesterday I finally bought a car, (if you want to read about car shopping woes, you can click here).  Its a cute little Ford Focus hatchback. What occurred to me when I brought the tiny compact car home, is that it would actually fit in the garage!  My dinosaur Ford Escape most certainly does NOT fit in the garage (note garage on side of house, see how tiny it is?  The SUV technically fits... you just can't open the door to get out of the car).  So for the last 6 months I've been parked outside whilst hubby enjoys the warmth and convenience of our attached garage.  

When I mentioned to hubby that my new car would now fit in our teeny tiny garage, he said, "stay out of my garage!".  

Now I didn't think that was very fair.  Why do I have to shovel snow (which is established as hubby territory, I clean the INSIDE of the house, and he cleans the OUTSIDE.. with exception to the gardens, which we mutilate together), while he gets to zoom in and out of the garage without scraping a centimeter of ice off his window?  

Being the fair diplomatic person that I am, I suggested to hubby that we SHARE the garage.  Even though I really don't want to share.  I want it all to myself.

Hubby said NO!  Can you believe it?  He won't even SHARE!  Chivalry is dead in my house.

However, I get home from work first, so we will see.  I pick the car up on Tuesday.  We will do a test garage run and see what happens.  The only downside that I can see is that he knows how to re-program the garage remotes so technically he could "lock" me out and I would have to go inside to hit the button... but I would, because I'm spiteful like that.

I can't believe he won't share.

You Stink.

After chuckling over the adventures of Madame DeFarge over at Bateau De Banane, I was inspired to put my two cents in ( me, with an opinion? Shocker.), regarding our tendancy to... over-scentsitize ourselves. Is that a word ---->Scentsitize? Well, it should be.

I'm often told how lucky I am to have lovely pale skin, blue eyes, and blond hair. What no one realizes, is that with these characteristics comes incredibly sensitive skin, eyes, and nose.... all of these things are irritated by the general populations tendency to bathe in scents.

Well it may be a drag for some, I'm totally loving the fact that public places seem to be implementing fragrance-free policies these days. Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with light, pleasant scents, and I happen to be a big fan of body spray myself. However, I will never understand why certain folks think it's attractive to drown their co-workers in eye-watering perfume and cologne.

Also, at this time, I would like to point out that I've noticed the majority of these over-scented offenders are not women, but men. Apparently they think it adds to their sex appeal. I'm hear to tell you that if you're 6 feet away from you and I can smell you, it's not a good thing, regardless of the scent. What are you trying to hide with all that smell? Did you pull your shirt from the bottom of the dirty laundry pile and think that your plastered-on man perfume would cover the stench? Well, it doesn't. Now you smell like dirty laundry AND cheap cologne. Good Job.

On one of my first dates with Hubby, we went to a comedy show. I was dressed to impress, with lovely make-up and the whole nine yards. Sitting at the table next to us was a lovely woman wearing what must have been an entire bottle of some heavy, musk-scented, eau-du-stink. My eyes were watering so badly that tears were pouring down my face and the contents of my nose were dribbling down my chin. How lovely. I was completely sure my date was ready to bolt for the door at any second. Who wouldn't want to continue dating a girl with a dripping face for no apparent reason? He probably thought I was a psychotic, high-maintenance crazy person with loads of emotional baggage and needing therapy. Just the kind of first impression everyone wants to make. Just because it's true doesn't mean I was ready to let him know so soon. I was saving that for date #3. I apologized and wiped the running mascara from my face and tried to control my dripping face. Thank-fully hubby turned out to be one of those understanding men and was kind enough to over-look my facial impression of Alice Cooper.

So please. Try to control yourself. Moderation is the key! Don't bathe in it, it just makes you stink.

Top Ten Things Women REALLY want from men

Top Ten Things Women REALLY want from men:

note: This is my opinion only. It certainly does not apply to ALL women, maybe not even most, and was meant to be a bit of fun.

10. TIME ALONE EVERY DAY. Yes, we love you. Yes, we want to talk to you. Yes, we want to spend time with you. We just need a small piece of time where no one needs ANYTHING and we can just chill.

9. FOR YOU TO HELP WITH THE HOUSEWORK WITHOUT HAVING TO BE ASKED. Just do it. It will save an argument later, and it might even get you a nice dinner or some kinky sex.

8. FLOWERS - yes, they die.. and we are ok with that. The point is that you thought about us during the day and wanted to do something to please us. It doesn't even have to be flowers... the best surprise I ever got was a pez dispenser shaped after my favourite cartoon character - because that means you listened and learned the things that I like and went to the trouble to show me.

7. A HUG - this is important. Women are nesters and affectionate creatures. We need reassurance that you love us.

6. THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT - sometimes we like to be mysterious. Not because we are doing anything wrong, but just because predictability is scary. If we say we're going out to do some shopping, don't give us the third degree about where we are going and what time we'll be home etc. etc. It feels kinda like an interrogation sometimes. This probably makes no sense, but trust me, if you examine your wife's comings and goings with a microscope you're asking for trouble. Just trust. And if your curiosity is driving you insane, ask, but don't dig unless you have a reason to. Conversations where you dig too much usually end up with, "I WAS BUYING YOUR XMAS PRESENT OK? " Which of course is very frustrating for everyone. And don't ask how much your wife spent at Xmas, that's just rude.

5. CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF - this is a two-income-household world my friend. Your wife is just as tired as you are. So pick up your socks, pop cans, beer cans. No, it's not hurting anything on the counter but us girls take pride in a clean house. Just think to yourself.. what would my mother do if I left my pants hanging on the banister? She'd kill you, that's what. So pick them up.

4. ACKNOWLEDGEMENT - did you notice that your wife painstakingly folded your underwear or made all your favourites for dinner this week? Then tell her. Don't be a caveman.

3. TAKE OUT THE GARBAGE - not because it's a "mans" job, but just because it's icky, and we don't like doing it. If we have to clean the toilet, the least you could do is take out the trash.

2. THE REMOTE CONTROL - share. You can do it.

1. GET YOUR FEET OFF THE COFFEE TABLE! No explanation required.

A toast to the end of financial struggling!

Not that the struggle will ever be over, but hubby has accepted a new job! After being out of work for nearly a year and a half, he is heading back to the work force to a much better position that the one he left. I feel as though the biggest weight ever has been lifted off my shoulders. I am so proud of him! Finally we can begin again.

Just thought I would share. I have far too many butterfly's in my stomach to write anything brilliant.

Suspicion Q&A

A few things I have learned in the past few weeks.

What is the greatest compliment you can give your partner? The benefit of the doubt. Believe in them, or go find someone you CAN believe in.

What is the fastest way to ruin a relationship? Constant accusations of cheating, which brings on self-rightous defense mechanisms, which lead to anger, frustration, and a need to eat an entire container of chocolate ice-cream. Confront your partner 1 time, if you are sure you have grounds, then drop it. If you are still suspicious, the trust with your partner has been broken and you have a serious problem. There is not enough chocolate ice-cream in the entire world to make you feel better.

What's the root cause of jealousy? Paranoia. Fear of losing something because of lack of self confidence. Your partner is with you because they saw something in you that was worth keeping. If you spend all of your time worrying about it disappearing, how will you ever enjoy it?

How to boost your self confidence? If you don't believe in yourself, niether will any one else. You cannot fully love someone else until you learn to love yourself. Lack of self-confidence brings misery for both of you. Stop carrying around all that unessesary stress and just LIVE. Perhaps you will no longer NEED the ice-cream, but will spend time enjoying it instead.

Life is hard enough without creating stress for you and your partner. If you can't get over your feelings, get help or get out! Life is too short to be miserable forever.

Why do we never say what we mean?

I understand we were all raised to be polite individuals, not to upset anyone unless unavoidable, and to put other people before ourselves. I think these are all basically good life lessons... except somewhere along the way we stopped expressing ourselves completely. For example:

Polite: Can we talk?
Reality: I am REALLY pissed off and you'd better do something about it!

Polite: I see. Why would you think that?
Reality: You are being paranoid again, and aren't listening to what I'm saying.

Polite: I understand how you feel.
Reality: I will say absolutely anything to get this conversation over with.

Polite: I'm sorry.
Reality: I'm not really. I'm only saying that so you will stop nagging.

Polite: Nothing is wrong.
Reality: I'm going to make you suffer in silence until you can guess why you're in trouble.

Polite: I'm Fine.
Reality: You are in SOOOO much trouble that I can't even speak to you!

Polite: I need to be by myself right now.
Reality: I think that if we stay in the same room together for one more second, I'll throw something heavy at you. Or possibly something sharp and knife-shaped.

Polite: I'm doing my best to communicate effectively with you.
Reality: I'm so frustrated I want to pull out my eyeballs!!!! Why don't you listen to what I'm saying!!!

Polite: I think I need a drink.
Reality: I need a drink to numb the irritation. I may have two. Scratch that, I'll drink the whole damn bottle.

Who else has one?

Bad Communication

You would think that with today's various forms of communications that a man and a women would be able to express themselves. Specifically, to EACH OTHER. But alas, no amount of email, cell phones, phones, conversation, love notes, or dramatic hand gestures seem to help us at all. With more than three thousand years of recorded human history, no one has found a solution to this preplexing problem....

Woman: We need to talk.

Man: God. What did I do now?

Woman: Can't you stop with your negativity? I haven't even said anything yet! Jeez. And GET your feet OFF the coffee table!

Man: Calm down, calm down! What's your problem anyway?

Woman Takes a DEEP BREATH: YOU! YOU are my problem. Can't you just shut up and let me talk?

Man: Okay, okay! Jeez.

Women: As I was saying... I need some help around here.

Man: I already take out the trash, cut the grass and shovel the snow! What more do you want?

Woman: Well, I really appreciate that, but I'm sure you also appreciate the clean laundry you wear, the dinner that's made for you everynight, and the clean house you live in... not to mention that the household finances are taken care of, the paperwork is filed, and the groceries are done.

Man: So what you're saying is you want me to do MORE? Do you have any idea how much it SNOWS here? Don't you know I work all day? I just want to relax when I come home.

Woman: Me too. That's why I want you to help with the cooking and the dishes.

Man: WHAT?

Woman: If you want to eat, you will help. I can live off of salads and lean cuisines. So, unless you want to eat take out everynight, you WILL help me!

Man: And what do I get out of it?

Woman: You get to eat. Please get your feet off of the coffee table.

Man: Oh.

Woman: What, were you expecting a weekly allowance?

Man: Do you want to help me change the oil on your car?

Woman: Don't I do enough?

Man: Do you want to drive?

Woman: Forget it. I'll get it done in town.

Man: Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much that costs?

Woman: Than change it yourself!

Man: Not if I have to cook.

Woman: Then shut up. Jeez. You can be so difficult. Why can't you be normal? I just asked for a little help. Is that so hard? How horrible is it to help your hard working wife feed you and clean up after you?

Man: Here we go with the guilt...

Woman: There is chicken in the fridge. You can start with that. AND... FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... GET YOUR FEET OFF OF THE DAMN TABLE!

Both parties cross their arms in front of their chests... Woman stomps out of room... Man leaves feet on coffee table just to irritate woman... Woman uses mans razor to shave her legs to teach man a lesson...

SO what has this acomplished? Now both parties are irritated, hubby is burning dinner on purpose and wearing bandaids on his face, and neither one feels like they are understood. How exhausting!