Oh Funny, Where Art Thou?

I've lost my funny. Do you know where it is?

I always thought of myself as having a good sense of humor. It's part of my charm, created by the desire to make my parents laugh instead of fight. Laughter eases the tension. Now that I've gotten to the point in my life where things are relatively stable, I'm happy, I have a good job.. the funny just seemed to slip right out of me. Perhaps now that I'm not in a constant state of panic I've gotten lazy? Maybe I need stress to be funny. I suppose I could find some. What if I ran into my boss' office and told him off? That would create tension, and then maybe I could make a joke about that! I am kinda laughing just thinking about how purple his face gets when he's really, really mad. Plus, he has a shaved head so I get a real kick out of watching the veins pop out of his head like an inflating water hose.

Maybe I could send out a mass email detailing what I had for lunch today, see what responses I get and make a joke about that!

Good Afternoon Everyone:

This is just a quick note to tell you all that I really enjoyed my lunch today. The grapes were particularly delish. That's all. You can go back to work now.

I feel like my posts lately are sub-standard. I mean, if I'm not funny, people will focus on my lack of grammar, spelling ability, and my obvious misuse of the English language in general. (I just noticed yesterday that blogger has spell check... so now I'm un-funny AND un-observant). Maybe the pressure to write a good post will bring my funny back. Lets give it a try...

Once upon a time there was a hippopotamus who felt discriminated against because she really wanted to be a flight attendant, but company policy stated that all animals must be contained in the cargo area of the plane....

Not very funny. I know. See? I think I've lost it forever. I wonder what happened? I think I'm burnt out. Vacation is coming. Maybe my funny will come back then. Also I think those business law classes are affecting my brain. Discrimination? Really? Out of all the things I could have chose, I picked workplace discrimination? Oh Elvis, do they even MAKE therapy for that?

Flashing Hot at 29

Well. 28 and 11 months really. But who's counting.

I thought hot flashes were not supposed to start until menopause? It's October. It's freezing outside, and here I am dreaming of ice cream and for the love of GOD someone get me a cold cloth for the back of my neck!

We got our new company sweaters at work last week. Being a generally bad housekeeper, I haven't done my laundry, so today looked like a good day to try out the sweater. This is the part where I tell you it's a very pretty shade of blue, and made from Arctic Fleece. It fits just perfect, but is not so large that one could wear multiple layers underneath... so I of course, did not. Hold Please... the sweat is dripping in my eyes... there. That's better. Anyway, I'm wearing my new sweater, in a lovely shade of blue, at work today. I suppose it's a moderate sort of temperature. No one else seems to be swealtering, but I feel as though someone has wrapped me in a heating blanket and left me for dead. I imagine this is what a potatoe feels like when you wrap it in tin-foil and place it on the barbeque. Only without the pleasant cooking smell.

My co-worker suggested I take the sweater off, to which I blushed... or I would have blushed if I had not already been red-faced from extreme blood-pressure brought on by a spiking body temperature. While sitting in my office naked is a pleasant thought for my internal equilibrium, I'm sure there must be SOMETHING in the harrassment policy which forbids such a thing. The dress code for sure.

Currently I have my face pressed against the cool wood of my desk for a small measure of releif. It feels nice but is making typing difficult. I end up retyping the same sentences over and over as most come out looking like this ---> I ejd up typng het same sentnces ver andover as mos t come out lookkking like ths. It's very hard to type whilst your face is pressed against a desk. I wonder if there's a record for that. Perhaps I could become famous! But I digress.

It's five-oh-eight. Going home to burn the sweater and do something that makes me feel young.

Happy Wednesday.

The top ten reasons why I appreciate my job.

This is an exercise in job appreciation. Because I really don't appreciate what I have as much as I should (does anyone?). Mostly I run around bitching about my job because it can be stressful sometimes. However, anything worth doing is stressful....



Top 10 Reasons Why I Appreciate My Job.


10. I learn new things everyday. This keeps my brain stimulated. I'd probably be drooling in a corner without that.


9. Occasionally I get to solve really big problems that make a difference.


8. Tim Hortons is right around the corner so I have a 24 hr coffee supply.


7. My office has air conditioning (if you knew how hot it was inside of the plant you'd understand why this is on the list. I used to work out there... not nice. Heat makes me cranky).


6. It comes with a paycheck. Fancy that!


5. I need some amount of stress to function... LOTS of that here! Functioning really well.


4. I get to boss people around. Mucho satisfaction.


3. Occasionally people realize that I know what I'm doing and the thrill of watching them look sheepish never gets old.


2. It forces me to get out of my pajamas everyday. Ok. I don't even know why that's on the list. I HATE getting out of PJ's.


1. The people I work with. Who also feel unappreciated. They have become my surrogate family... even though I'd like to run over them with my truck occasionally, it all works out in the end.




This is one of my coworkers. She makes my job easier on a regular basis and I think I would have probably quit if she wasn't here. I have no idea why she wouldn't let me take her photo (hence the blurriness... ok, so I suck as a photographer... thank god I don't do THAT for a living). I'm going to post this and send it to her as a message that she should LET people take nice photo's when the opportunity presents itself. Now the entire blogging community is going to think she has a blurry face.

Optimism keeps me sane.

Today shut off my alarm clock then fell back to sleep without getting up. Then I stubbed my toe on the bedpost, (wrecking my very first pedicure EVER). Then I went downstairs to rush around frantically and stepped in a freshly puked up cat hairball - with socks on. Also the cat food had been spilled (Felix does not like his face to touch the sides of the bowl so when it gets low he dumps it over - but that is a post for another day). After cleaning up the catfood I went to refill the bowl and discovered that someone had broken into the cupboard, and eaten a conveniently cat-head-sized hole in the side of the bag. However, I did not notice this until after I'd yanked the bag out of the cupboard, effectively spilling 9.5kgs of dry catfood over my new kitchen floor. After cleaning this up I made a bowl of mini wheats. Then decided that I didn't need a clean pair of socks, I would just wear my sandals. Sigh. Mini Wheats and sandals. Everything was going to be ok. Then I got to Tim Horton's for my caffeine fix and didn't have change. I had to put the $1.75 on my MasterCard (thank god they have that option). I drove out to the highway to continue my commute and opened my coffee. Incidentally, this is one of my favourite parts of the day. I turn the radio on and smile all the way to work while leisurely enjoying my coffee. I take my first sip. There is no cream and no sugar in it. It's black. It tastes kind of like coffee - but without the good part. I sigh and stick it back in my cup holder. I look up and slam on the brakes because there appears to be a very large slow-moving vehicle in front of me. It's a farmers tractor. Normally I love farmers. I grew up on a farm. Today however, I am late for work. The tractor is moving at 45kms per hour. There is too much oncoming traffic for me to pass. We continue all the way to my turn off at 45kms per hour. My 20min drive has now taken 35. However, I am here. All is good, and now I'm talking to you! What could be bad about that? One of my coworkers will feel sorry for me and go get me a real coffee (plus I'm cranky without caffeine, they don't do it just to be nice to me.. it's really in their best interests), and all will be right with the world. Since I have a short memory, in about 15 minutes I will forget this happened and will go back to my normal, happy, smiling day.

I have no socks and have to put on my steal-toed shoes to go out into the plant. I now have sweaty, sock-less feet. Ew. I hope my coffee gets here soon. It's going to be a good day right? It's going to be a good day. It's going to be a good day. It's going to be a good day.....

UPDATE: Incidently, this was the worst day ever. The mantra was ineffecive.

How NOT to get promoted

So yesterday I had a bit of time at work and thought I would email this really funny joke to a co-worker of mine. I got it all ready and hit the send button with out checking the To: line. This is unfortunate. Instead of sending it to the co-worker intended, I sent it to the corporate accountant with the same first name. The picture was of me doing something silly as a child.

Original Email: HA! How cute am I?

Response from Corporate: Yes, you are very cute... but who are you? I think you've sent this to the wrong person...

My Reply To Corporate: Um.. yes. Very cute.. not so smart! Sorry about that!

Forward to correct recipient: I hope you find this really funny, because it's going to get me fired.

Thank god it wasn't something really inappropriate. With all the knowledge about how NOT to abuse my work internet privliges (I think I even had to sign a memo), you'd think I would know better. And I quote: Cute.. but not so smart!

A bowl of soup.

It's 12pm. I am at work, and the whole world has gone INSANE. Not only am I moving tomorrow, so my entire life is disorganized and crazy, but I seem to be having a streak of bad luck professionally as well. Feeling unorganized, I decided to make a To Do list, but after developing writers cramp and misplacing Pg2 of 7, I decided that was an inefficient way to tackle my tasks.

I am typing this while eating my lunch because I need some measure of sanity. Today's lunch is soup. MMM . I am a soup addict. It is the ultimate comfort food. Why am I eating my lunch at my desk you ask? If I took my lunch to the cafeteria, I would undoubtedly be bombarded by questions and "emergencies", which, of course, cannot wait until I eat my cream of broccoli. I have tomorrow off, and I'm trying to prep so my boss can take over.. but that hasn't really seemed to happen yet. I'm still buried in morning craziness.

Hubby has been calling me with questions of "do you know where", "what if we put the couch this way," and "I found a microwave stand in the paper, can you go pick it up?" My concentration is totally frazzled, (not so different from any other day really), and the stress is beginning to make me giggle at inappropriate moments. For example, right now one of the engineers is trying to peek through my blinds to see if I am in my office. He has tried repeatedly to call me on my cell, and my desk phone with no success. I can hear him in the hall asking for me. I KNOW he can hear me laughing. Perhaps he thinks I'm doing something naughty. HA! That made me laugh harder. I'm turning the light switch off now in hopes that he will go away. My soup is not done yet.

Each mouthful is heaven. I am getting full. Better slow down to prolong the procrastination. My phone is ringing again. Someone is paging me over the loud-speaker.

I have just flicked some soup onto my lovely pink sweater with the flimsy plastic spoon. Who invented plastic cutlery anyway? Does it have to be so flexible? Thank-god for Tide Pens. Now there's someone who has a lot of money. Tide Pens are miracle cure-alls for the klutzy and grace-fully challenged such as I. I once spilled an entire coffee on my nice white t-shirt (while driving), and managed to have the whole thing clean by the time I reached Hamilton. It really is amazing stuff.

Sigh. The soup is gone. Said Engineer is now knocking impatiently on my door. So. Back to the real world. So much for the 1hr unpaid lunch. I can do this. I can make this day a success. Somehow.

I Am Awesome

What do you need to be motivated? A raise? A promotion? A challenge? Not me. I simply need a little recognition. I took on a project at work, went above and beyond the call of duty, presented it to the team yesterday, and shone like a superstar! When I came in today, my boss made sure to tell everyone what a good job I did. How wonderful is THAT? I was so flattered I could barely breath. Important people were noticing little ole ME! I feel like I made a difference. I feel like I can move mountains. All from a nice little chat this morning with the team to showcase my efforts.

In a week, probably no one will remember anything about this... but I will. Just goes to show you a little goes a long way. What a happy day.