Tuesday, March 19, 2013


Dear Suicidal Early-Morning Jogger,

Riverview line is beautiful in the pitch black at 5am isn't it? Those thin reflective strips on your jacket really saved your life this morning as my headlights caught you running on the road, on a curve, just before my sideview mirror would have clipped your elbow. And when I swerved into oncoming traffic to avoid killing you at the last minute, that was awesome too. You know what would have been super amazing? If all of us had died because you feel the need to jog on the road in the dark. Don't get me wrong, I really admire your tenacity. However, there are perfectly good sidewalks just down the road that we all pay for with good tax-payers dollars. Maybe you should jog on those in your black outfit with the tiny reflective stripes. While you're on your health kick, maybe you should consider mental health... MY mental health. Do you have any idea what running you down and possibly causing a head-on collision would have done to me? Or the people in the other car? Or our families? I hope your cardio health is worth that.


All early morning drivers everywhere.

Tuesday, April 03, 2012

When I Grow Up I'm Going To Marry John Mayer

I've made a very important decision.. are you paying attention?  A very important LIFE CHANGING DECISION.

When I grow up... I'm going to marry John Mayer.  For Real.  I've been listening/watching him on You Tube All morning and seriously, he's really my soul mate.  Don't tell him, but I was actually looking for something ELSE on You Tube when I clicked on his video by accident.  I knew of him... mostly from that "body is a wonderland" song that they played over and over on the radio until I wanted to scream.  It is a really good song, but I don't think I could listen to ANYTHING 20 times a day.  Anywhoo, back to my fiance.

His music is poetically written and he is a genius at sending a message with his words.  If we could all express ourselves this well the world would be at peace and they would figure out how to make chocolate flavoured spinach.  Some songs make me want to jump up on a podium for a cause and change the world, while others make me want to go hug everyone I see and tell them how wonderful I think they are.  There are a few which make me want to purchase a sniper rifle and hide out in a bunker waiting for my ex to walk by... but they are few.  There are LOTS that make me evaluate my life, for better or worse.  Even if you are not interested in his soft, smokey voice (his voice is a synonym for sex), you have to appreciate the message in the songs.  Plus, if you aren't tapping your foot or doing some sort of head bob by the end of the song you have no rhythm and something is broken inside you.

When he finally gets around to proposing to me (hubby will understand... I mean COME ON, it's John Mayer), I will send you all invites.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Garage Wars

This is my house.  It's very cute, in a nice neighbourhood, and every once in a while I have to pinch my arm to remind myself that I'm not dreaming and I actually live there.

Yesterday I finally bought a car, (if you want to read about car shopping woes, you can click here).  Its a cute little Ford Focus hatchback. What occurred to me when I brought the tiny compact car home, is that it would actually fit in the garage!  My dinosaur Ford Escape most certainly does NOT fit in the garage (note garage on side of house, see how tiny it is?  The SUV technically fits... you just can't open the door to get out of the car).  So for the last 6 months I've been parked outside whilst hubby enjoys the warmth and convenience of our attached garage.  

When I mentioned to hubby that my new car would now fit in our teeny tiny garage, he said, "stay out of my garage!".  

Now I didn't think that was very fair.  Why do I have to shovel snow (which is established as hubby territory, I clean the INSIDE of the house, and he cleans the OUTSIDE.. with exception to the gardens, which we mutilate together), while he gets to zoom in and out of the garage without scraping a centimeter of ice off his window?  

Being the fair diplomatic person that I am, I suggested to hubby that we SHARE the garage.  Even though I really don't want to share.  I want it all to myself.

Hubby said NO!  Can you believe it?  He won't even SHARE!  Chivalry is dead in my house.

However, I get home from work first, so we will see.  I pick the car up on Tuesday.  We will do a test garage run and see what happens.  The only downside that I can see is that he knows how to re-program the garage remotes so technically he could "lock" me out and I would have to go inside to hit the button... but I would, because I'm spiteful like that.

I can't believe he won't share.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

LOL... for real.

This morning I read a post over at Stinky Dog that made me giggle. While quietly sitting in my office catching up on my blog reading (This has been a two day process, MY you people are chatty lately), I giggle. People are staring at me through the windows of my fish-bowl office so I try to stifle it but this is really funny stuff. It then occurs to me how often in a day I write the words LOL but don't really mean them. It doesn't really mean laugh out LOUD anymore does it? It means... I appreciate your sense of humor, or I slapped this on the end of my text to show you that really I'm joking (ok... no really I'm not... your haircut really is a disaster... I just put the lol on the end to make you feel better). It means I'm trying to make you feel like your quip or quote was entertaining in some small way.

So how do we REALLY say laugh-out-loud? ROTFLMAO seems a bit much. its a lot of letters. HAHAHA doesn't really seem appropriate either. And it's kind of generic and makes me feel silly when I write it. I've decided that I need to improve on poor, misused lol. It's become like the word love. We use it all the time in the wrong context, (much like my grammar)... I really LOVE that show, or I LOVE that tattoo you just got on the side of your neck (boy are you going to regret THAT later), or I LOVE that purse (ok.. bad example... I really DO love that purse).

We are not going to re-invent the wheel here. Just an improvement. Here's what I'm considering:

  • rlol - for Really Laughing Out loud.
  • twsf - for That Was Super Funny
  • omgig - OMG I giggled.
  • suyaggmf - for Shut-Up You Are Going To Get Me Fired
  • ijscoms - for I just Spit Coffee All Over My Screen
So what do you think? Do you think I can revolutionize a world that talks with their thumbs?

I realize that with my long ab senses, most of you have found better things to read, but if you should pop in to say hello, go over and check out Stinky Dog. She has a sense of humor a lot like mine, but she has better grammar. You'll like it. lol.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Car Shopping Woes

My faithful steed - the lovely Ford Escape - is nearing the end of its vehicle life. Not only is it costing me a fortune in gas... it's falling apart and in need of extensive TLC. Rather than bring her back to life, I've decided she would look much better recycled into some new and interesting form of life - a second career so to speak. Which means we are now car shopping.

I though it would be fun. It's been a while since I've had to do it, and for the first time I have an income that can support new car shopping... or so I thought. Day 1 had me so depressed I was beginning to think about learning how to jog and running the 25kms to work every day. However, I would be sweaty and icky and would probably have to leave at 2am, so that's out.

Cars are so expensive, and dealerships are pushing financing for up to 84 months. EIGHTY-FOUR MONTHS! That's like.... SEVEN YEARS. Have you ever owned the same vehicle for SEVEN YEARS?

Trying to be environmentally responsible I was originally was looking for a hybrid or some other fuel-conscious car (one large enough to fit the dog of course, because lets face it, she is my most frequent passenger... the girls at Tim Hortons keep cookies behind the counter for her), only to find out to my shock, that I can't AFFORD to be environmentally conscious. Being environmentally smart means an additional $10, 000. Currently I am balancing that with the rumor that fuel is supposed to reach $1.50 / Litre this summer. Either way its a financial gamble.

Very few of the vehicles I would consider actually ended up in my price range. I loooooove the new focus hatchback, but am coming to the realization that if I buy the fuel-efficiant-spaceship-looking-wonder-car, I can't afford to eat. Sooooo.

The Verdict:

We are now USED car shopping. Not nearly as fun, and definitely not as fuel efficient. I have resigned myself to buying a temporary car while I squirrel away more nuts for a larger down payment.

Chop it up to bad planning and unrealistic expectations. You would think I would have learned by now,

Friday, February 03, 2012

Top Ten Reasons Why Breakfast is Awesome

10. For the obvious reason... It's bloody good for you, so just eat it! (Well, except for maybe that waffle... it's probably not so good for you... although blueberries ARE a super fruit...)

9. I have never met a breakfast food that I didn't like. I could eat cereal for every meal, and am an egg fanatic.

8. Breakfast is the ultimate comfort food. It's impossible to be sad when you're eating it.

7. Have you ever dipped your bacon in maple syrup? It's better than crack.

6. It's the cheapest meal of the day. Unless you're eating steak and eggs. You can buy a whole box of pancake mix for a $1.

5. No one lets you eat cake for breakfast, but no one has a problem with syrup saturated flap jacks and strudel. I bet if cake and syrup went head to head on a sugar count, the syrup would win.

4. Eggs are the most versatile food on the planet. You can put anything in them and call it gourmet. (Eggs aren't just for breakfast anymore, but we don't need to tell anyone).

3. Try buttering your pancake and then sprinkling brown sugar on top. The brown sugar gets saturated and makes this lovely thick gooey mess that makes your teeth hurt when you eat it. Sometimes I put peaches on and then the sugar so that I can feel like I'm eating something healthy instead of flour, butter, and sugar.

2. There are 24 hour all you can eat breakfast places... but no 24 hour all you can eat dinner places. Ever try to get a plate of spaghetti at 3am? No? I bet you have no trouble finding an omelet. I recommend greasy spoon diners. Mm mm greasy.

1. A yummy breakfast ensures you start the day with a smile on your face. If it goes downhill from there, it's your own fault!

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

The world of Pern

I was first introduced to the world of Pern when I was a young girl. I read Dragonflight for the first time at the age of 12 and was immediately and irrecovably in love. I used to dream of having a dragon of my very own and frequently named my pets after characters in the stories, (I once had a salamander named Ruth- however things got complicated because my beloved grandmother's name was also Ruth and she was quite put out by sharing her name with a slimy critter... I also didn't have the heart to tell her that, in the book, Ruth is a BOY dragon!).

The world of Pern was created by the late Anne McCaffrey, who sadly left us in November of 2011. The entire world is based on a group of human colonists from earth and how their culture develops as they settle their new home. Everything seems perfect with their new home until they discover the menacing Thread which is an organism that falls from the sky and eats everything biological in its path! Genetisists create the dragons out of a smaller life form that exists in the natural ecosystem of Pern, and these are used to combat the Thread. The story begins hundreds of years later when all technology is lost and only stories remain of the original landing of the settlers.

I recently began re-reading the series in anticipation of a movie that is scheduled to go into production sometime this year. You can read more about the movie here, but so far I'm very excited. Some small part of me knows that the world of Pern on the big screen could never be as wonderous as in my imagination, but I can't help feeling like a little kid at Christmas to see my childhood fantasies come to life.

If you are not a science fiction / fantasy geek like me, I encourage you to read them anyway. If for no other reason than to appreciate the enourmous talent and descriptive literatary genious that was Anne McCaffrey. The world is a darker place without her, but she will live on in our imaginations.

P.S. ----> Anne, if you can hear this - please let Santa know that I still would very much like a dragon for Christmas, a Queen if he can manage it, but I'm not picky.

Love Jewels
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