Tuesday, June 15, 2010

The Top Ten Obvious Signs That I Need Glasses

10. I was incredibly depressed because I hit a cat on the way to work the other day. I discovered on the way home that it was not a cat at all, but a possum. Not that the possum deserves to get run over any more than a cat... but... well... cats ARE cuter and possums are pests.

9. Grass looks more like carpet as I can no longer distinguish the individual blades without concentrated effort.

8. I have to rely on the voice module on my GPS because I can no longer read road signs.

7. I am incredibly grateful for the invention of high definition television as it means I can actually see the hockey puck on the screen. Televised sports is much more enjoyable now.

6. My 300 year old accounting teacher has better eyesight than I do.

5. My fellow students think I am sooooo smart I don't have to take notes and thus can use the spare time to practice on my sketching. Thank-God they can't see my test scores.

4. My co-workers no longer park beside me. It is very easy to find my car in the lot... it's the one surrounded by all of the empty space.

3. I don't pass in my vehicle anymore because I am no longer confident on my ability to judge long term distances... cars that are far away are a little fuzzy.

2. The blinding stabbing pain that sometimes forms behind my right eye is getting really distracting. Presumably it's eye strain as I have perfect vision in my left and need a magnifying glass over my right. Perhaps I'll just tape my right eye shut and everything will be brilliant.

1. I drove past a man on a bicycle who gave me the finger as I passed him, safely I might add. Outraged, and just in the sort of mood to tell someone off, I pulled over and gave him a piece of my mind... at which point he calmly explained to me that he had been merely waving thanks in return for the generous amount of space I'd given him as I flew by his madly peddling person. Ooops.

I made an appointment at the eye doctor tomorrow. I realize you are all afraid to drive on the road now. Be at ease. When I close one eye, I drive just fine!


Carolina said...


You'll look cute with glasses, I'm sure. Added benefit is that you can actually see where you're going.

A friend of mine needs glasses to drive the car. She has them, but they are never on her nose. And we took a fourwheel driving course together. At some point the instructor told her that she could adjust her seat so she could get some space between her nose and the windscreen. She admitted that she couldn't see where she was going. I might add that we were descending a very steep hill with impressive drops either side of the vehicle. He turned a whiter shade of pale. I told him she needed road signs in Braille.
Such fun!

Jewels said...

ROTF. Good to know I'm not the only one. Mostly I just have a problem with signs. I can see the giant ditches (which is convenient as south-eastern Ontario is covered in giant granite rock piles).

Carolina said...

Please be careful!

jinksy said...

Jewels,I do believe my normal blog font size is larger than your one on this post! It should be back to normal from now on. How about you choose to allow email on your "Edit user profile"? It'd make it much esier to chat after one of your comments...

Madame DeFarge said...

Glasses are a sign of deep intelligence. At least that's what I say to myself every day as I put mine on and blink my way to the new day.

tattytiara said...

I was amazed to learn what normal people could see that I'd been missing by the time i finally got glasses. I had no idea, for example, that I was supposed to be able to see the faces of people at the table next to mine in a restaurant. Yep, that blind, and I had no idea.

Enjoy your new eyesight!

Carolina said...

Just wondering if you're alright

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