Monday, September 21, 2009

Evil Shoes Of Death.

Sorry for my long absence from the world of blogging. Summer time is insane to begin with and this one was particularly crazy. As usual, I over-scheduled myself for almost EVERYTHING. Why do I always think I'm super woman? No idea.

I missed blogging terribly. There's some kind of therapy involved in writing a short blurb everyday. And maybe it doesn't matter to most people, but it matters to some, and for those of you that missed me while I was away, thank-you. I missed you too!

Enough Mush. On to today's topic: Shoes of death!

I bought a pair of shoes yesterday. There were on sale. I didn't really LOVE the way they fit my feet, but they were only 6 dollars! How could I pass that up? The store I purchased the shoes from was carpeted. I pranced around quickly, threw them in my basket and went on my merry way. Yesterday I put them on, fully intending to wear them to brunch. My floor is linoleum. You can see where I'm going with this, can't you? I took two steps and promptly fell on my a#$. I picked the shoes up and actually LOOKED at the bottom,(which from this point on will become part of my routine upon footwear purchase), they are made of HARD PLASTIC! Who makes the bottom of shoes out of hard plastic? Did they run out of rubber? Was the machine broken? Do they have 100% carpeted floors in Thailand (country of origin of shoes of death). Unfortunately I can't find the receipt for the 6 dollar shoes, which are now in the trash. I literally THREW them in the trash. Then I poured 3 day old bacon grease on top of them for effect. TAKE THAT EVIL SHOES OF DEATH! No longer will I purchase inferior footwear, no matter what the cost. I now have effectively thrown 6 dollars in the trash when I could have just bought a latte and a scone. Leason Learned.


Carolina said...

Oh I'm so glad you're back. I've really missed your hilariousness. We'll make that a word if it isn't already. I haven't been around in blogworld much too over the summer, so not so much to catch up with over at my place.
I have some cute Manohlo Blahniks for sale (uhm, that could be not entirely true, but you have to read a story about Biggles and an Oscar which turned out to be an Oskar). Plastic shoebottoms on carpet will probably not be a great succes either. I'm just guessing that would generate a lot of static electricity. You did the right thing. Stupid shoes! Glad you've survived them.

Yippee! You're back!

jinksy said...

You could always have use an abrasive file to roughen up the surface - or how about rubber stick-on soles? Lateral thinking can often solve a problem :)
Hope the a*** isn't bruised too badly!

jinksy said...

Ooops - try "used" - I wish I could type...

Jewels said...

Carolina - Coming to read the story now!

Jinksy - you type better than any English professor I had. You are way to hard on yourself. Take comfort in the fact that you have a vocabulary that's larger than even Websters, and unlike most of the population (including me), you know how to USE all those wonderfully descriptive words and punctuation!

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