Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Bad Communication

You would think that with today's various forms of communications that a man and a women would be able to express themselves. Specifically, to EACH OTHER. But alas, no amount of email, cell phones, phones, conversation, love notes, or dramatic hand gestures seem to help us at all. With more than three thousand years of recorded human history, no one has found a solution to this preplexing problem....

Woman: We need to talk.

Man: God. What did I do now?

Woman: Can't you stop with your negativity? I haven't even said anything yet! Jeez. And GET your feet OFF the coffee table!

Man: Calm down, calm down! What's your problem anyway?

Woman Takes a DEEP BREATH: YOU! YOU are my problem. Can't you just shut up and let me talk?

Man: Okay, okay! Jeez.

Women: As I was saying... I need some help around here.

Man: I already take out the trash, cut the grass and shovel the snow! What more do you want?

Woman: Well, I really appreciate that, but I'm sure you also appreciate the clean laundry you wear, the dinner that's made for you everynight, and the clean house you live in... not to mention that the household finances are taken care of, the paperwork is filed, and the groceries are done.

Man: So what you're saying is you want me to do MORE? Do you have any idea how much it SNOWS here? Don't you know I work all day? I just want to relax when I come home.

Woman: Me too. That's why I want you to help with the cooking and the dishes.

Man: WHAT?

Woman: If you want to eat, you will help. I can live off of salads and lean cuisines. So, unless you want to eat take out everynight, you WILL help me!

Man: And what do I get out of it?

Woman: You get to eat. Please get your feet off of the coffee table.

Man: Oh.

Woman: What, were you expecting a weekly allowance?

Man: Do you want to help me change the oil on your car?

Woman: Don't I do enough?

Man: Do you want to drive?

Woman: Forget it. I'll get it done in town.

Man: Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how much that costs?

Woman: Than change it yourself!

Man: Not if I have to cook.

Woman: Then shut up. Jeez. You can be so difficult. Why can't you be normal? I just asked for a little help. Is that so hard? How horrible is it to help your hard working wife feed you and clean up after you?

Man: Here we go with the guilt...

Woman: There is chicken in the fridge. You can start with that. AND... FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... GET YOUR FEET OFF OF THE DAMN TABLE!

Both parties cross their arms in front of their chests... Woman stomps out of room... Man leaves feet on coffee table just to irritate woman... Woman uses mans razor to shave her legs to teach man a lesson...

SO what has this acomplished? Now both parties are irritated, hubby is burning dinner on purpose and wearing bandaids on his face, and neither one feels like they are understood. How exhausting!

5 comments:

Chapati said...

LOL! There is a really good book called 'why men don't listen and women can't read maps' which explains why miscommunication happens. It seems that the sexes are hardwired in certain ways from the days of the cavemen. It's a really amusing diversion from studying!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Said book is excellent, so too, Men are from Mars, Women..from Venus!

Great post, J!

Jewels said...

Thanks ladies! Both will go on my wish list for the bookstore.

Carolina said...

Sounds you should move to some tropical island, like...I don't know...uhm...Bermuda?
No snow, no money to buy groceries so no cooking, a tiny appartment that's clean in a jiffy and all that time left to lie on the beach, enjoying the sunshine....hmmm, I can see only the plus points now ;-)

Hugs xx

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